


The Sauce

by Salty_Libra



Category: Hazbin Hotel (Web Series)
Genre: Cooking, Cooking Lessons, Established Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-29
Updated: 2020-06-29
Packaged: 2021-03-03 19:00:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24900463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Salty_Libra/pseuds/Salty_Libra
Summary: The family sauce is not to be taken lightly.
Relationships: Arackniss/Sir Pentious (Hazbin Hotel)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 86





	The Sauce

**Author's Note:**

> Like many things I write, this originally started one way and ended somewhere completely different. It turns out that intense description of someone making spaghetti...is not very entertaining to read. So I went with Niss directing Pen through the last bits of it, Ratatouille-style, because it sounded hilarious. 
> 
> This one took me way longer to finish than it should have thanks to a combination of busy days and writer's block, and I'm STILL not really that happy with how it came out. Still, I'd rather get this one released and move on to something new than leave it to sit on my desktop for another week. More stuff soon - I'm feeling interested in writing something for Angel, so that might be what I try out next.

"No, the other one. No, no, the _other_ one." Niss let out an exasperated sigh and pointed into the cabinet. "The one with the red label and black cap."

Pen's eyes traced a line from Niss' extended finger over his head to the spice cabinet, his eyes scanning for the bottle Niss had described. He reached into the cabinet and grabbed the glass container, holding it up for Niss' approval. 

"Yeah, that's the one alright." Niss grumbled, resting his head on his hand with his elbow on Pen's head. "I think I liked it more when I handled things in the kitchen on my own."

"Hey, it was your idea to teach me how to cook." Pen responded indignantly. "I'm trying my best down here."

"I know, I know. Just used to doin' things a little more...hands-on." Niss answered with a loud sigh. "Now put some spice in the pot."

"How much?" The snake asked, opening a drawer and pulling out a measuring cup.

"I dunno...like...a few teaspoons?" Pen felt Niss shrug above him. "It's the family sauce, the measurements ain' exact, ya know?"

"Can you just give me a number?" This time it was Pen's turn to grumble. He was an inventor, a machinist - he did things by blueprint, in precise measure. Vague quantities and indeterminate measurements went against his very nature.

"Try three, I guess." Niss' response was still non-committal, but at least gave the snake something to work with. He uncapped the bottle and measured out three teaspoons of spice, then tipped it into the other ingredients in the bowl on the stove.

"Now, turn the burna' off and stir that spice in." 

"I think I could have figured that one out on my own."

"Probably, yes." Niss replied. "But this is the _family sauce,_ Pen. The family sauce is serious business."

" _The family sauce is serious business._ " Pen parroted back, earning a snort and chuckle from the spider before he composed himself again.

"You joke, but people have died over this recipe, Pen." 

" _No..._ " Pen responded incredulously, picking up a large spoon to begin stirring. "You're not kidding?"

"Mhm. It's a famous story in the Family. My grandpops trusted the family cook to make the sauce. He screwed it up n' nobody ever heard from him again. Rumor goes that he got capped in the middle a' the night, body dumped in the riva', n' his folks got paid or threatened to keep quiet."

"Well I guess I'd better not screw the sauce up then." Pen replied. "Wouldn't want the Family to come hunt me down to deliver sauce justice."

"Damn right." Niss answered with a chuckle. "Now, that sauce should be good and stirred by now. Let's work on the noodles. You know how to make noodles, right?" 

Pen turned his attention to the package of spaghetti noodles sitting unopened on the counter. Quite honestly, he'd never really made noodles before. Or cooked much at all. It was rather embarrassing. 

"No, not really..."

"Well, good news, it's really easy. Fill that pot part way up with water, stick it on the burna', then just put the noodles in." Niss explained, arms moving to point out things as he mentioned them. Pen followed his directions, pouring water into the pot Niss had pointed to, then opening up the box of noodles. To his dismay, he found the stiff, uncooked noodles were too long to actually fit in the pot.

"Should I cut these so they're all in the water?" Pen asked, tilting his head up to look at the spider.

"NO. Absolutely not." NIss' face went almost grave. "Italian sin number one is cutting the spaghetti noodles. Just stick 'em in the side of the pot. It'll work out, you'll see." 

Pen pulled up a stool and sat down while he waited for the water to boil. True to Niss' words, as Pen watched the water cook the noodles, they became soft and cleanly bunched up in the pot, falling into the water and cooking them rather evenly. He had to admit, it was rather satisfying to watch.

"Alright, those look done to me. Strain the water out and we'll be done, too." Pen nodded and grabbed a strainer from another drawer, quickly going to work getting the water out of the pot. This part, at least, made sense to him. 

"Everything look good from up there, Niss?" Pen asked, looking around the kitchen counter to see if he had missed anything particularly obvious.

"Looks good to me. Let's get it onto some plates and eat. I'm fuckin' starving up here." Niss' stomach grumbled as if on-cue. "Oh, and don't forget the wine. Brings the whole thing together, ya'know?"

Pen picked up the pot and awkwardly dropped two large clumps of spaghetti onto their plates, spooned some of the sauce on top, then poured wine into two glasses and put the whole meal on the table. Niss flipped himself down backwards off Pen's shoulders, landing cleanly on his feet, then walked over and took his seat, motioning for Pen to do the same. Skipping all formality - it wasn't really his strong suit anyway - he spun some noodles onto his fork and took a bite to test.

"How's the sauce?" Pen questioned, half joking and half legitimately both curious and nervous about Niss' thoughts. The spider's eyes drifted off in thought as he swallowed the first bite of spaghetti.

"Hmmm." Niss paused. "Well, it seems I don't have to turn ya over to the Family for, uh, _sauce justice_ , did you call it?"

"So, the sauce is perfect?" Pen asked, his voice hopeful. Niss just laughed.

"Pen, I'll let you in on a lil' secret, the family sauce ain' eva been perfect." Niss spun another bite of noodles onto his fork. "It's just sauce. It's like the rest'a the Family - made out to be a whole helluva lot better than it actually is." 

Pen nearly snorted in disbelief. "So all that stuff about the family cook getting killed over it? Just a myth to scare people?"

"Oh no no no, that's true. I'd know, I was there." Niss gave another of his signature shrugs. "Poor cook tried to pass canned sauce off for the real deal. _That's_ what got 'em capped."

Pen raised an eyebrow. "Wow. I guess it's a good thing I don't keep canned sauce, then."

"Damn right." The spider responded, raising his glass up for a toast.

**Author's Note:**

> Twitter: https://twitter.com/Salty_Libra


End file.
